The self-esteem movement gets an "F"

Illustration by C.S. McGuinness

Sometimes, there is great wisdom to be found on the comics pages. 

In a recent cartoon by Norm Feuiti, the eponymous young character Gil observes his collection of honors: a running trophy proclaiming “finisher,” a ribbon exclaiming “19^th place”, a bowling trophy triumphing a “72 average”, and an award recognizing “participant.”  Gil wryly observes, “I know they’re supposed to make me feel good, but really they just remind me of the things I’m not very good at.”

Garry Trudeau, in his well known strip “Doonesbury”, has young, spoiled character Jeff Redfern relocating his trophy collection to his new home.  Jeff observes, “It was so interesting growing up in the middle of the self-esteem movement.”  His dad, Rick, reads out the plaque on one of the trophies, “Most improved trier, second grade.”  Jeff recalls the moment and observes, “I tied with the rest of the class.”

So what’s the problem with the self-esteem movement and why is it dying?  Apparently, the results are in.  Instilled self-esteem, as opposed to earned, just doesn’t work.

Late last year, USA Today ran an article titled “Is narcissism killing innovation in America?” (December 21, 2011). The premise was that the self-esteem movement, by praising aimlessly, was suppressing incentive and achievement.  Economist and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman stated “By any reasonable standard, the change in how America lived between 1918 and 1957 was immensely greater than the change between 1957 and the present”.  While many factors have influenced this outcome, the self-esteem movement, which was quick to laud and loathe to criticize, seems complicit.

The article continues, “Essentially, when children are praised readily and frequently, regardless of their efforts' outcomes, there is no incentive for them to strive for genuine excellence — or even recognize that it can exist.”

Let’s start with a definition.  What is self esteem?  Very simply, it is a sense of well being, of self confidence and contentment, that arises from competence.  This means that when you are very good at something, you feel relaxed and comfortable in your skin.  Self esteem is a good thing.  But here’s where the self esteem movement went awry. Because you must be very good at something to have high self esteem, it cannot be gifted.  It must be earned.

While teachers and parents love and greatly care for their charges and offspring, they cannot instill self-esteem by bestowing inane awards.  The child, him or herself, must actually become good at something in order to develop a sense of self esteem.  In fact, the teacher or parent who attempts to shortcut this process is harming the child. The child must strive, and fail, and learn; then strive and fail, and succeed.  If you protect her from failing, she cannot succeed.

Self esteem is situational.  If you are not a skilled brain surgeon, you would feel uncomfortable (lack self-esteem) if forced into that role.  Likewise, the brain surgeon would be very uneasy asked to rebuild an automatic transmission or erect a skyscraper.  We are all good at certain things and not so much at others.  As Will Rogers famously said, “We are all ignorant, only on different subjects.”

So what is the path to happiness and a fulfilling life?  I think it is a clear choice.  Young people must find those which are their innate talents, which come naturally and are fulfilling.  Then practice and learn and become expert in those skills.  Finally, find a vocation that requires those strengths.

To work at some profession only for the social status that it conveys, or the wages that it pays, is empty and hollow if you doubt yourself every day. It is far more fulfilling to perform a labor of love, to exercise your strengths and feel the power of self-confidence.

Find out what you are good at, develop those skills, and make them your life’s work.  You will be happier, your loved ones will find you more pleasant, and the economy will benefit.  Where’s the downside?

The greening of the lawn

In these carbon-capped, green-conscious days, you can tell it’s spring when the weekend warriors shake the dust off of their lawn tractors and fire them up.  Their lawns are to be aerated, rolled, fertilized, herbicided, pesticided, and overseeded.  The goal – putting green regularity.

There is another way.

My grandpa loved his lawn, and he loved his tractor, but he also loved birds, rabbits, frogs, and all the other denizens of his yard.  He took a much gentler approach and always seemed to end up with a thriving ecosystem. I use his methods today and they seem to work for me.

Dandelions are the scourge of the modern suburban lawn.  Never mind that they are quite tasty, eaten by farm folks and our old-world ancestors.  And that an entire field of them in full bloom is a golden treat to the eyes.  But the downside is that they spread very easily, the downy seeds lofted by the slightest breeze.  So if your neighbor is trying to eradicate dandelions, you are doing him no favor by allowing yours to flourish.

Herbicides are harsh and have side effects on the environment all the way from your lawn, down the watershed, and into Narragansett Bay.  An alternative method to control dandelions takes a little effort but in return gives you some exercise and time to commune with your yard.  First, find an old butter knife, a bucket, and a glove for your working hand.  Now patrol your yard in a regular circuit, looking for the telltale yellow blossoms.  Kneel down and plunge the butter knife into the soil, vertically alongside the plant’s tap root.  Now gather up the leaves and press the plant against the side of the butter knife, twist and gently pull till the whole thing pops out of the ground.  Toss the uprooted dandelion into the bucket and make sure to dispose of them before the blossoms turn to seed.  Keep at it until the lawn has no more yellow.  This will need to be repeated from time to time as new plants blossom.

Grubs are the most destructive pest your lawn can possibly know.  The grub itself eats the roots of your grass and makes it weak.  Then crows and skunks will dig for the delicious (to them) grubs, leaving your lawn a wasteland.  The most effective protection is to kill the grubs.  Milky spore, a cultured bacterium, is your best defense.  It is a bit expensive, but once applied, will protect your lawn for fifteen to twenty years.

Moss is thought a pest, but why?  It only likes bare areas and does not kill existing grass.  Think of moss as an alternative ground cover.  It is cool and offers a smooth texture to your bare feet.  Just enjoy it.

Mowing style can make a huge difference.  If you cut your grass too short, it will wither, dry out, and die.  Instead, cut it no shorter than 2 ½ to 3 inches.  By keeping your grass tall, it will offer more leaf area to the sun, provide more cooling shade to the ground, and encourage the roots to grow deeper.  Use a mulching mower and allow the clippings to remain; they will help retain moisture and decompose, fertilizing the grass. Your lawn will remain a deep green even in the doldrums of August.

Finally, if there is an area of your lawn that just refuses to cooperate, due perhaps to sandy soil or inadequate drainage, just give up.  Till the soil and plant perennials and ground cover, turning it into a natural area.  The birds, butterflies, and rabbits will thank you.

After a year or two, you will find that your lawn has become a robust ecosystem of hearty grass, violets, moss, and clover, supporting a community of rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, and butterflies.  It’s as if you were living in a national park.

Or, you could surround yourself with a perfect, sterile, putting green.